I know many people feel there will be drastic change in the world in one way or the another - that it is happening now.

In my early twenties, one of my first 'spiritual teachers' told me that the world would divide into two groups of people, those who stayed in the dimension of war and suffering, and those who lived in a dimension of love and peace. He told me that those who lived in peace, would be aware of the 'other' dimension, but this would not be the case the other way around.

Well. I don't know.

Two pieces on this 'hot' topic came across my path in the last days. Both are long, but both are worth a look.

First, an article in the Saturday Guardian by the writer, Ian McEwan: The day of judgment

"End-time thinking - the belief in a world purified by catastrophe - could once be dismissed as a harmless remnant of a more superstitious age. But with the rise of religious fundamentalism, prophets of apocalypse have become a new and very real danger, argues Ian McEwan..."

I found this interesting:

"Apocalypse - and we should be clear about the meaning of this word, which is derived from the Greek word for revelation. Apocalypse, which has become synonymous with "catastrophe", actually refers to the literary form in which an individual describes what has been revealed to him by a supernatural being."

And, I liked what Ian wrote at the end of the article:

"Have we really reached a stage in public affairs when it really is no longer too obvious to say that all the evidence of the past and all the promptings of our precious rationality suggest that our future is not fixed? We have no reason to believe that there are dates inscribed in heaven or hell. We may yet destroy ourselves; we might scrape through. Confronting that uncertainty is the obligation of our maturity and our only spur to wise action. The believers should know in their hearts by now that, even if they are right and there actually is a benign and watchful personal God, he is, as all the daily tragedies, all the dead children attest, a reluctant intervener. The rest of us, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary, know that it is highly improbable that there is anyone up there at all. Either way, in this case it hardly matters who is wrong - there will be no one to save us but ourselves."

And, then, the documentary about the Strong City Cult called End of the World - Michael Travesser's the Lord Our Righteousness Church.

It's not particularly anything new, in terms of what I know and have experienced of cults, but the documentary is very well done and interesting and moving, particularly for the interviews of the young people in the cult. (Reminded me of the film, Jesus Camp, which is a 'must see' documentary.)

The blurb to this video on Pistolwimp reads: "Michael Travesser claims to be the Son of God. Some believe him. They (his loyal followers) all can't wait for the world to end, and have lots of sex. After all, you might as well have fun with the Son of God while waiting for Paradise, or not?"


And, just to change the subject completely, (or not), a lovely short video about a cat sanctuary.

(Inspired by the Mala writing assignment set by Leigh-Anne (QuietLaughter) in the "Writing as Spiritual Practice" board in Diving Deeper: A Writing Workshop)


I started reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert last night. I had eschewed all “God” books for months, no - years. Ever since I left my own spiritual teacher. I needed to find out what was my own. It was as if every thought and every feeling I had about life and how to be in life had been washed right out of me the 10 years I was with him, and slowly replaced with his. His were (are) so close to mine that I couldn't differentiate anymore.

There was a time when the phrase,”There is only now” meant something to me. I mean I really grokked this and it was real. And then, I wasn't so sure. Is it true? Oh God. Well yes, there is Byron Katie's voice in my head. Is it really true? Do I know absolutely that it's really true? Well, no, I don't. So now I've got her voice in my head and I don't know if it's mine either. It feels right, however. I mean her voice. And then I wonder.

I was talking about Eat, Pray, Love. Yes, the first "God" book I picked up in years. It's delightful. Something has been missing in the past months for me. I can't quite put my finger on it. It is as if I'm slightly separated from life. I feel as if I'm surrounded by a wooly cocoon.

I think this has partly to do with my all-engulfing focus on my writing. I mean my book of short stories that I have finally got enough material for. All I think of is the stories that need editing. I want to edit them, so it's not like I feel burdened by it, but there are days, like this week, where all I have is this 'wanting' and I can't get to the editing. I think it's partly because the particular story I want to edit is so huge, so personal, it feels like too much. I thought I'd try again this morning, and thought maybe twenty minutes of a Mala write might help. I think I'm cheating. I should be writing something fairly deep and meaningful. Or, I'm simply avoiding editing that story again.

The feeling I've had the past while is of being slightly deaf - energeticaly deaf -  to everything but the stories. I even write blogs on things like The End of the World and I actually have no real feeling for the subject. I don't know if the end of the world is coming. I can read all that stuff about whats happening with the climate, and all the wars, and the endless spiritual writings on the big change coming, and it touches me not. Not one bit. I don't feel it. I don't not feel it. I don't not feel. I feel warm, sitting here, breathing. Quite happy to be writing something, even if it is not meaningful.

I wonder if the reason why I can't get worked up about all the problems in the world and the potential massive collapse or dimension shift is because I'm so self-absorbed. In a way I do want to be shaken out of this place I'm in. I imagine riding horses hard and fast across a hilly field. I imagine sitting in sound meditation for a week, eight hours a day. That would do it, that would squeeze out a foot or a hand or a little energetic tentacle into some other dimension than the one I'm living in now. Music helps, certain kinds of music. But the crack in my cocoon only opens for as long as the music.





And it's not as if I'm unhappy with what's happening, I'm just noticing it. I'm pretty anti-social, and yet when I spend time with people I feel more energised. My 'ears' unplugged, just a little.

There is an image in Eat, Pray, Love, right at the beginning. Elizabeth meets an Indonesian healer. She asks him how to have an ongoing experience of the divine and be 'in' the world. I'm paraphrasing, it's something like that. He gives her a drawing he made. A figure, with four legs firmly planted on the earth. For a head there are flowers. A smile is drawn over the heart. He tells her she needs to be very grounded to stay in the world, and to not see the world with her head, but with her heart.

I'm writing this down because when I read it I didn't resonate with the description. I don't want four legs on the ground. I don't think I have even one. Do I want to be grounded? I don't have a yearning for an ongoing experience with the divine – I feel no lack in this department. Seeing the world with my heart. Yes, this touches something. I know that in the past, if I have fully let in 'whats happening,' I feel a great deal of sadness for the suffering in the world. I sit here and wonder if I'm pushing this feeling aside, protecting myself. Well. Doesn't resonate. Either I'm really numb or it's not this.

I'm simply feeling what I'm feeling. Perhaps I'm protective of my creative space. Afraid that if I open a door to other experiences, I will lose it. Yes, this feels right. Well what a load of rubbish that thought is.