Gaia Community: Sandra's Blog

Mala Blog

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 09:37:51 -0000

(Inspired by the Mala writing assignment set by Leigh-Anne (QuietLaughter) in the "Writing as Spiritual Practice" board in Diving Deeper: A Writing Workshop)

I started reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert last night. I had eschewed all “God” books for months, no - years. Ever since I left my own spiritual teacher. I needed to find out what was my own. It was as if every thought and every feeling I had about life and how to be in life had been washed right out of me the 10 years I was with him, and slowly replaced with his. His were (are) so close to mine that I couldn't differentiate anymore.

There was a time when the phrase,”There is only now” meant something to me. I mean I really grokked this and it was real. And then, I wasn't so sure. Is it true? Oh God. Well yes, there is Byron Katie's voice in my head. Is it really true? Do I know absolutely that it's really true? Well, no, I don't. So now I've got her voice in my head and I don't know if it's mine either. It feels right, however. I mean her voice. And then I wonder.

I was talking about Eat, Pray, Love. Yes, the first "God" book I picked up in years. It's delightful. Something has been missing in the past months for me. I can't quite put my finger on it. It is as if I'm slightly separated from life. I feel as if I'm surrounded by a wooly cocoon.

I think this has partly to do with my all-engulfing focus on my writing. I mean my book of short stories that I have finally got enough material for. All I think of is the stories that need editing. I want to edit them, so it's not like I feel burdened by it, but there are days, like this week, where all I have is this 'wanting' and I can't get to the editing. I think it's partly because the particular story I want to edit is so huge, so personal, it feels like too much. I thought I'd try again this morning, and thought maybe twenty minutes of a Mala write might help. I think I'm cheating. I should be writing something fairly deep and meaningful. Or, I'm simply avoiding editing that story again.

The feeling I've had the past while is of being slightly deaf - energeticaly deaf - to everything but the stories. I even write blogs on things like The End of the World and I actually have no real feeling for the subject. I don't know if the end of the world is coming. I can read all that stuff about whats happening with the climate, and all the wars, and the endless spiritual writings on the big change coming, and it touches me not. Not one bit. I don't feel it. I don't not feel it. I don't not feel. I feel warm, sitting here, breathing. Quite happy to be writing something, even if it is not meaningful.

I wonder if the reason why I can't get worked up about all the problems in the world and the potential massive collapse or dimension shift is because I'm so self-absorbed. In a way I do want to be shaken out of this place I'm in. I imagine riding horses hard and fast across a hilly field. I imagine sitting in sound meditation for a week, eight hours a day. That would do it, that would squeeze out a foot or a hand or a little energetic tentacle into some other dimension than the one I'm living in now. Music helps, certain kinds of music. But the crack in my cocoon only opens for as long as the music.

And it's not as if I'm unhappy with what's happening, I'm just noticing it. I'm pretty anti-social, and yet when I spend time with people I feel more energised. My 'ears' unplugged, just a little.

There is an image in Eat, Pray, Love, right at the beginning. Elizabeth meets an Indonesian healer. She asks him how to have an ongoing experience of the divine and be 'in' the world. I'm paraphrasing, it's something like that. He gives her a drawing he made. A figure, with four legs firmly planted on the earth. For a head there are flowers. A smile is drawn over the heart. He tells her she needs to be very grounded to stay in the world, and to not see the world with her head, but with her heart.

I'm writing this down because when I read it I didn't resonate with the description. I don't want four legs on the ground. I don't think I have even one. Do I want to be grounded? I don't have a yearning for an ongoing experience with the divine – I feel no lack in this department. Seeing the world with my heart. Yes, this touches something. I know that in the past, if I have fully let in 'whats happening,' I feel a great deal of sadness for the suffering in the world. I sit here and wonder if I'm pushing this feeling aside, protecting myself. Well. Doesn't resonate. Either I'm really numb or it's not this.

I'm simply feeling what I'm feeling. Perhaps I'm protective of my creative space. Afraid that if I open a door to other experiences, I will lose it. Yes, this feels right. Well what a load of rubbish that thought is.

The End of the World

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:07:58 -0000

I know many people feel there will be drastic change in the world in one way or the another - that it is happening now.

In my early twenties, one of my first 'spiritual teachers' told me that the world would divide into two groups of people, those who stayed in the dimension of war and suffering, and those who lived in a dimension of love and peace. He told me that those who lived in peace, would be aware of the 'other' dimension, but this would not be the case the other way around.

Well. I don't know.

Two pieces on this 'hot' topic came across my path in the last days. Both are long, but both are worth a look.

First, an article in the Saturday Guardian by the writer, Ian McEwan: The day of judgment

"End-time thinking - the belief in a world purified by catastrophe - could once be dismissed as a harmless remnant of a more superstitious age. But with the rise of religious fundamentalism, prophets of apocalypse have become a new and very real danger, argues Ian McEwan..."

I found this interesting:

"Apocalypse - and we should be clear about the meaning of this word, which is derived from the Greek word for revelation. Apocalypse, which has become synonymous with "catastrophe", actually refers to the literary form in which an individual describes what has been revealed to him by a supernatural being."

And, I liked what Ian wrote at the end of the article:

"Have we really reached a stage in public affairs when it really is no longer too obvious to say that all the evidence of the past and all the promptings of our precious rationality suggest that our future is not fixed? We have no reason to believe that there are dates inscribed in heaven or hell. We may yet destroy ourselves; we might scrape through. Confronting that uncertainty is the obligation of our maturity and our only spur to wise action. The believers should know in their hearts by now that, even if they are right and there actually is a benign and watchful personal God, he is, as all the daily tragedies, all the dead children attest, a reluctant intervener. The rest of us, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary, know that it is highly improbable that there is anyone up there at all. Either way, in this case it hardly matters who is wrong - there will be no one to save us but ourselves."

And, then, the documentary about the Strong City Cult called End of the World - Michael Travesser's the Lord Our Righteousness Church.

It's not particularly anything new, in terms of what I know and have experienced of cults, but the documentary is very well done and interesting and moving, particularly for the interviews of the young people in the cult. (Reminded me of the film, Jesus Camp, which is a 'must see' documentary.)

The blurb to this video on Pistolwimp reads: "Michael Travesser claims to be the Son of God. Some believe him. They (his loyal followers) all can't wait for the world to end, and have lots of sex. After all, you might as well have fun with the Son of God while waiting for Paradise, or not?"

And, just to change the subject completely, (or not), a lovely short video about a cat sanctuary.

Perhaps this is the peaceful dimension 'in action'...

(with thanks to my dear friend Andrew, for his ability to find the most interesting videos and information on the 'net)

Kill Everybody?

Wed, 28 May 2008 19:28:46 -0000

This video is called: Kill Everybody: US Soldier Tells the Truth

It is a film of a soldier, Darrell Anderson, who refused his third tour in Iraq and is now speaking out about the war; about the lack of support soldiers get, and how 9/11 was a 'lie' and more.

It's worth going to the YouTube version and clicking on the 'more info' link.

In case you don't have a fast line, this is a quote from what he says:

"I joined in '03," 'cause I was broke, I needed money, but I was a young American kid, I wanted to fight in a war. I joined up. [A] month out of training I arrived in Baghdad, Iraq, January '04. Saddam's been captured. And I get there and the guys I'm serving with have been there for six months already; they were there in '03. And I go, "Well, you know what, I think it's come out that, you know, these people had nothing to do with 9/11, there was no Iraqi on those planes. We can see around here there's no Al Qaida, there's no terrorist syndicates in Baghdad, or Iraq. Saddam had stamped 'em out." And I asked my buddies, "Well, you know, we're here to find 'weapons of mass destruction'." And they laughed at me. And I said, "Well, you know, we're here to 'help the people.'" And they laughed at me. And I said, "What's our mission? What's our goal?"...They're like, "All we're trying to do is make it home alive..." Anderson describes the escalation of violence against unarmed civilians: "In April, they told us, "In a crowded area, if one person shoots at you, kill everybody." Anderson explains the rationale from the officers: "They [members of the crowd of people] are letting them [the person or persons firing at the U.S. military] attack you. They're no longer innocent if they're there at the time of the crime..." (9/11 conference, Chandler AZ Feb 23-25, 2007) 911TV.org / snowshoefilms post-production/ 9:46

Time for something beautiful?

Sun, 18 May 2008 20:57:20 -0000

I've already written a blog about Epi (Enkhjargal Dandarvaanchig).

Well, it was time for another uplifting experience, so I did a little look on YouTube. Since that blog (November 2007), when I searched for a long time to find something of Epi, there are now many more videos of him, and I'm so glad. He's a star, he just has that special something, and I'd love many people to see him. He always makes me smile.. and almost cry. Perhaps I was a Mongolian in a past life.

Here are three videos that I liked - here with Christian Auer and Dost Matur, a wild and fabuluous mix of Turkish, Mongolian, Indian music and more:

And.. with Christian Auer:

And, finally.. at an Irish Festival in Germany...

Building the Creative Muscle

Wed, 14 May 2008 10:46:14 -0000

This is from the wonderful Robbert Genn Twice Weekly Letter.

Robert has given me permission to reprint anything from these, and he is truly a wonder. A painter who teaches, writes (TWO beautiful newsletters a week), amongst many other things.

I was going to post this up on the Diving Deeper: a writing workshop pod, but then thought, no, it's for all of us.

April 18, 2008

Ever since I was a kid I've been interested in the nature of
creative thinking. Where does it come from? Can it be learned?
Can it be taught? I've been curious about my own periods of
creative intuition and creative ineptitude. I've also been
interested in the difference between "wild child" creativity
and mature creative self-management.

Most of our creativity takes place in the right back corner of
our brains. In addition, many folks are able to toss the
creative ball both fore and aft and port and starboard. Studies
of various brain disorders and traumas have thrown further
light on the game. Anne Adams was a Vancouver, BC, scientist
and painter who recently passed away from the effects of PPA.
Primary Progressive Aphasia patients eventually lose their
ability to speak. Anne tracked the progression of her disorder
in a remarkable series of paintings. As her condition deepened,
her creativity seemed to move to a different part of her brain.
Her work became more linear, mathematical and ordered. One of
Anne's paintings, "Unraveling Bolero," takes Maurice Ravel's
"Bolero" and makes it visual. Ravel, who died in 1937, also
suffered from PPA. We've illustrated some of Anne's work at the
top of the current clickback. See URL below.

Neurologist Bruce Miller of the University of California in San
Francisco notes that one part of the brain can learn to do what
another part becomes incapable of. While modifications take
place in the process--as in muscle building for specific
sports--by persistently asking, we get. With curiosity,
audacity and effort, creativity can be redeployed. Just knowing
it's there for the taking is part of the game. Sophocles said,
"Look and you will find it; what is unsought will go
undetected." Like Anne, we need to be prepared to let
creativity take us where it will.

We all have personal keys to developing our creative potential.
For some it's necessary to remain mute--for others a mild
distraction is needed--music, even TV. Our individual
preferences in reference material and experience are precious
triggers. Studio tricks, attitudes and physical exercises
jiggle the liquid brain into building the creative muscle. Our
miraculous computers are forever rebooted. These days we seem
to be able to modify and improve the performance of just about
anything. Not including the use of drugs, you can train your
creative brain to be brainier than you think.

Best regards,

Robert

PS: "If one part of the brain is compromised, another part can
remodel and become stronger." (Dr. Bruce Miller)

To subscribe to Robert's newsletter, go to the website The Painter's Keys, which is full of other interesting and supportive material for all artists ( and everyone! )

(From MONPA - the Museum of non primate art)

And.. finally, Nora, the piano playing cat...

The Dream

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 19:51:01 -0000

Andrew Johnston is 13 years old. He get's bullied at school, because they don't like what he sings.

Andrew's dream is to sing on stage. It's a dream of mine too, and watching him makes me feel he's fulfilled my dream for me.

Here he is, on "Britain's Got Talent".

My Stroke of Insight

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:33:45 -0000

An inspiring and deeply moving TED talk. Watch right through to the end, it is a full on experience that builds as Jill speaks: Jill Bolte Taylor: My stroke of insight

Here is the YouTube version, but it is worth going to the TED website as there is so much wonderful stuff there.

From TED:
"Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor had an opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: One morning, she realized she was having a massive stroke. As it happened -- as she felt her brain functions slip away one by one, speech, movement, understanding -- she studied and remembered every moment. This is a powerful story of recovery and awareness -- of how our brains define us and connect us to the world and to one another. (Recorded February 2008 in Monterey, California. Duration: 18:44.)"

An Evolution of Community

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 14:11:47 -0000

My dear friend Alan Steinfeld of New Realites ("Consciousness" cable program broadcast from New York) interviewed Dr. Bruce Lipton a while back. I only recently saw the interview, and loved it. Bruce says that the 'human is a reiteration of the cell' - that the cell's evolutionary step is the same step we as 'individual' humans have to make - to hook up with each other into community...

And, a little something from the wonderful Tony Parsons... just a reminder, that all there is is this...

Earthlings

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:24:55 -0000

Well, I thought I was going to do a series of uplifting videos etc for spring. Life does not always work out like I want.

The following video, called "Earthlings" is a feature length documentary about our dependence on animals, but most of all shows the 'inhumanity' of how animals are treated by industry etc. I've known all this, but to see it is another thing. The film is narrated by Joaquin Phoenix (GLADIATOR) and features music by Moby.

Dying to Live

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 19:58:51 -0000

Well, February is over. What a month. I think it's time for some inspiring and interesting videos...

First: Randy Pausch - reprising his "Last Lecture" on the Oprah Show. He has pancreatic cancer, and was told he had three to six months to live last summer. He's still alive.

I love the bit about choosing to be a 'tigger' or an 'eeyore'...

Randy (www.randypausch.com) is a virtual reality pioneer, human-computer interaction researcher, co-founder of CMU's Entertainment Technology Center (www.etc.cmu.edu), and creator of the Alice (www.alice.org) software project.

The Mod Pod

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 15:17:35 -0000

I'm really happy to announce that the ”Gaia Groups Community” pod, aka The Mod Pod, is up and available for membership.

A few of us have been working on ths for some time, I think it will be a great addition to the work of supporting this community.

It is a semi-private pod, but visible by all. Anyone who wants to join simply has to email one of the moderators.

Pease come on by.

Here is a copy of the pod description:

This group is for cultivators and moderators of groups (a.k.a. “pods”) here at Gaia, as well as for anyone else who has aspirations of becoming a cultivator or moderator or otherwise promoting the vibrancy of the pod community.

In this group, we discuss various strategies, issues and ideas related to group administration, as well as help less experienced moderators to develop their groups into thriving spaces that bring about a sense of community both within the group and throughout Gaia. That also includes discussing strategies for and providing support in mediating conflict with and between members of the groups we moderate.

This group also provides opportunities for working together with moderators of similar or complementary groups, as well as for merging groups in order to more effectively unite people with similar interests, not to mention generally building a sense of community among group moderators.

Finally, this group is a place in which we can discuss various important ideas that may have emerged separately in multiple groups, thereby providing us with a better sense of what the free will of the broader Gaia community is, which will, in turn, help us to be better moderators.

Joining the Group

All group cultivators, moderators and other enthusiastic community advocates are encouraged to join the group. To do so, simply contact one of this group's moderators, who are: Grey, Sandra and Meenakshi, Bruce, and Dave.

Enjoy!

Freedom from Prison

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 21:51:10 -0000

I've thought of many things I would like to do. One of them is to work in prisons. It might seem a strange wish, and perhaps naive of me. The fantasy of going in amongst 'hardened criminals' and 'helping' them, is, I'm sure, not uncommon, at least for lucky people like myself who have no idea what it is really like to be incarcerated.

Recently, Don Childers, a friend of mine here on Gaia, sent me his book, Inside Out. Don spent two years in prison on a number of charges including possession of cocaine, consensual sex with a minor, and possession of firearms. He was 40, was married and had two sons, 17 and 20 years old. It's a beautiful, inspiring book, simply told and all the more effective because of this. As Don says on his profile:

Two years of prison changed my life, gave me life and awakened the healer within. It was when my freedom was taken away at age 40 that I started discovering the power in “being still.” And what a blessing it was. In the stillness I found my strength, my life, my everything.

Don came to the realisation that he had been in his own personal prison long before: he had been imprisoned by listening to his parents, grandparents, family members and friends telling him how to be, how to think.

He embarked on a journey of discovery. By uncovering who he was not he began discovering who he really was. "Nearly everybody is in a prison no matter where they are, whether behind walls or just within themselves."

Don now ministers in prisons, and hopes to spread the work of Inside Out. Have a look at his website.

You can get copies of Inside Out from Amazon or from him directly. He writes about miracles and healing; he writes about small events and large ones, - all of them a possibility for discovery:

"One day I asked a guard what time it was and he told me. Two other men were standing right there when I asked. When he told me the time the one inmate said, "3:20," and the other one said, "No, he said 3:24," and I said, "No, he didn't. He said 3:24." And the guard said, "No, I said it was "3:26." I thought, "What in the world; none of us heard the right time, even me."

We all heard what we wanted to. They thought it was nothing; nobody was interested in what had happened, but I was! I wanted to find out what had happened because I didn't think it was right to go on with life not knowing if I am hearing the other person correctly or if I am hearing what I want to hear."

It was while reading Don's book that I remembered my own dream of working in prisons, which began many years ago. I did not really have an idea of what this might look like, but I had met Leonard M. Shaw, who wrote a beautiful pamphlet called “Love and Forgiveness, A Workbook for Self Healing and Healing Relationships". Leonard leads Love and Forgiveness Seminars at Monroe State Prison and, amongst other things, has been a consultant for Federal Offenders Rehabilitation.

Some of Leonard's methods are controversial. He works with both survivors and perpetrators of sexual abuse (as well as physical/psychological abuse). The controversy centers around asking the survivor to put themselves in the shoes of the perpetrator.

This is deep work, and close to my heart. Perhaps this is why I'm drawn this work: I have always felt that what other people did, no matter how horrible, was a potential within me. It is the basis of many healing principles and methods, including Ho'oponopono.

And, I have spent time with people who have been inside prison. I have spent time with people who have done 'terrible' things.

Were they 'bad' people?

Kahlil Gibran wrote:

And one of the elders of the city said, “Speak to us of Good and Evil.”
And he answered:
Of the good in you I can speak, but not of the evil.
For what is evil but good tortured by its own hunger and thirst?
Verily when good is hungry it seeks food even in dark caves, and when it thirsts, it drinks even of dead waters.
You are good when you are one with yourself.
Yet when you are not one with yourself you are not evil.
For a divided house is not a den of thieves; it is only a divided house.
And a ship without rudder may wander aimlessly among perilous isles yet sink not to the bottom.
You are good when you strive to give of yourself.
Yet you are not evil when you seek gain for yourself.
For when you strive for gain you are but a root that clings to the earth and sucks at her breast.
Surely the fruit cannot say to the root, “Be like me, ripe and full and ever giving of your abundance.”
For to the fruit giving is a need, as receiving is a need to the root.
You are good when you are fully awake in your speech,
Yet you are not evil when you sleep while your tongue staggers without purpose.
And even stumbling speech may strengthen a weak tongue.
You are good when you walk to your goal firmly and with bold steps.
Yet you are not evil when you go thither limping.
Even those who limp go not backward.
But you who are strong and swift, see that you do not limp before the lame, deeming it kindness.
You are good in countless ways, and you are not evil when you are not good,
You are only loitering and sluggard.
Pity that the stags cannot teach swiftness to the turtles.
In your longing for your giant self lies your goodness: and that longing is in all of you.
But in some of you that longing is a torrent rushing with might to the sea, carrying the secrets of the hillsides and the songs of the forest.
And in others it is a flat stream that loses itself in angles and bends and lingers before it reaches the shore.
But let not him who longs much say to him who longs little, “Wherefore are you slow and halting?”
For the truly good ask not the naked, “Where is your garment?” nor the houseless, “What has befallen your house?”
The Prophet xxii

I'm also reminded of Thich Nhat Hanh's poem, one I often quote:

Please Call Me By My True Names (You can hear him speak it here)

Don't say that I will depart tomorrow --
even today I am still arriving.

Look deeply: every second I am arriving
to be a bud on a Spring branch,
to be a tiny bird, with still-fragile wings,
learning to sing in my new nest,
to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower,
to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone.

I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry,
to fear and to hope.

The rhythm of my heart is the birth and death
of all that is alive.

I am the mayfly metamorphosing
on the surface of the river.
And I am the bird
that swoops down to swallow the mayfly.

I am the frog swimming happily
in the clear water of a pond.
And I am the grass-snake
that silently feeds itself on the frog.

I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,
my legs as thin as bamboo sticks.
And I am the arms merchant,
selling deadly weapons to Uganda.

I am the twelve-year-old girl,
refugee on a small boat,
who throws herself into the ocean
after being raped by a sea pirate.
And I am the pirate,
my heart not yet capable
of seeing and loving.

I am a member of the politburo,
with plenty of power in my hands.
And I am the man who has to pay
his "debt of blood" to my people
dying slowly in a forced-labor camp.

My joy is like Spring, so warm
it makes flowers bloom all over the Earth.
My pain is like a river of tears,
so vast it fills the four oceans.

Please call me by my true names,
so I can hear all my cries and my laughter at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.

Please call me by my true names,
so I can wake up,
and so the door of my heart
can be left open,
the door of compassion.

These days I have a clearer idea of what I might do 'in prisons'. The Diving Deeper writing workshops I guide are very much about telling our stories. This is, in my experience, transformational - not only to write down our 'stories', but to witness them being read out and heard by others. Perhaps, one day, I will get the chance to offer my work in prisons. In the meantime, I know of many others who have expressed a similar interest.

There are many organisations and people actively involved in this area. Gangaji, for example. She says: I love going into prisons, because when we talk about freedom in prison, the men who have realized freedom know that freedom is not about the body.

Some links to explore:

The Gangaji Foundation Prison Program
Liberation Prison Project, A Tibetan Buddhist organization (with many links to similar organizations)
Shambhala Prison Community
Buddhism Behind Bars Project: a book being sponsored by Wildmind - soliciting manuscripts and arranging for inmate writers to have personal coaching in writing and when they have enough manuscripts they will submit the collection to publishers.
Prison Healing Works New Zealand organisation which "represents the outcome of five years volunteer prison ministry coupled with song-writing based around that ministry."
Boston Minstrel Company volunteer singers and musicians who visit shelters, residential facilities and prisons
The Insight Prison Project (of which The Work of Byron Katie group is a part)

Taking the Leap into Gaia

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 19:20:29 -0000

For some reason, one of the most 'popular' blogs I ever wrote was last spring, called Paean to Zaadz. I tried to tell everyone about my experience here on Zaadz, how incredibly grateful I was, and to share about all the wonderful things that had occured during my time here. At the end of the blog I wrote:

But something is going on here, perhaps it is part of the omega point, the eschaton; perhaps Zaadz is part of that whole singularity thing, I don't know. But I am truly grateful....

....It's going to get bigger, much bigger. I say yes, bring it on!

At that time there were about 50,000 members and now there are, what, nearly 150,000? That's incredible. And the seed of Zaadz has grown into Gaia. I had no idea about this at the time of writing my Paean to Zaadz blog, and in yet a few days or sooner I believe we will have a new interface that will reflect our shift.

So... how has it been for me since that blog last spring?

Shortly after writing it (about three weeks) I became cultivator of the Diving Deeper writing workshop pod - something I had not planned at all, it seemed to 'just happen' -- I met the wonderful Alex Noble (Happiness), and loved her writings on writing. She started a pod that quickly she suggested I take over and base it on the writing retreats I lead. At the time the pod had about 90 members, now the membership is well over 400.

My life on Zaadz became my life on Diving Deeper. I had no idea how much work it takes to cultivate and moderate a pod, but for the most part I loved every minute of it. I met so many beautiful and talented people there, and although I 'teach' on the pod, I had and have a lot of support for my own writing, and for my ideas about the writing process, not to mention reading some extraordinary and inspirational creative writing from other members. Through the writing there I am let into other lives and worlds in a deeply personal way. What an honour and a gift.

During my on Diving Deeper I have had three short stories published by online Literary magazines - my first publications of fiction. This was a very big and very powerful shift for me personally, and I have been supported and encouraged by the Diving Deeper members. The story I wrote where I felt I truly 'grokked' the short story form, happened on Diving Deeper, and I'd say a few well articulated words from my dear friend Burt were instrumental in this development.

Diving Deeper goes strong, it has it's ups and downs, it's 'hot' moments, and I saw that it was a reflection of Zaadz as a whole - it was a 'village' in the ever growing world of Zaadz.

There has been a lot of controversy and sharing about the Zaadz to Gaia change, (See the ThinkTank threads and the Gaia Community threads, and the Team blogs and elsewhere), and about some of the new 'tools' (e.g. the seed system) that are being implemented to support the growth and expansion here...

My reaction to 'change' is nearly always initially negative and then once I've taken a look at my automatic 'closing down', I dive right in and go for it. When I heard, in August of 2007, that Zaadz had been sold and was going to be 'Gaia', I didn't think too much about it, but I did feel a shift here and at the time it didn't feel like a good one. I couldn't really put my finger on what the shift was -- I think it had a lot to do with the growth of membership.

The 'town' was now a teeming metropolis. The incredibly quick responses from the team to issues on the ThnkTank and elswhere seemed to have slowed down, for example, and I felt on overwhelm with the numerous pods and discussions, so I tended to stick to the 'safer' environment of Diving Deeper.

Then the Trust System 'happened' ( now called the Seed System). This event and the discourse about it It energized me to step outside of my 'safe' village, mainly because I felt it was going to threaten that village - we are a group of artists, and I have fought ardently to prevent any artist being hindered by thinking their work is 'good' or 'bad' , and I felt the Seed System, at least as it was first described and developed, would support this kind of judgement.

However, as I went along and stepped outside the confines of my village to talk about what was happening and to hear other voices, I realised that this was not some 'evil' imposition upon us from The Powers That Be, but a system to try and make this place work better. (See my own thread Seeds, the Trust System ??? on Diving Deeper); and that it was a work in progress, and that our voices were being heard.

Very shortly before the Seed System was implemented, myself and a group of others spoke against the 'blinking ads', and they were stopped, so I had real experience of change happening according to the needs of the community itself.

Now I actually believe that the seed system has huge potential, and whether or not any of this potential flowers remains to be seen. See, for example, some of the discussion on Zet's thread Seeds and Gardens on the ThinkTank. Seeds could be used, for example, towards manifesting Gaia developed projects in the world that are non-virtual.

Well....my stepping out into the 'larger' world of Zaadz has challenged me to take a look at what and why I am contributing to this community, to open up more, to speak up about other ideas and visions I have, to listen to what people are sharing here, to play a greater part in this community I 'live' in.

Through this process I've met or deepened my connections with some extraordinary people who are doing the same: O.M Bastet, Zet White, Meenakshi, Earon, Michael Sheppard, Grey, Balder, Deborah, Dave, Mark, and many many others.

The Leap, the 'it's going to get bigger' is happening right now. It's happening to me - and to all of us.

How I vision myself has, I believe and I experience, a direct effect on how I experience the outside world. The more limitations I place on myself, the smaller my 'world' feels. I apply this to Zaadz and to Gaia - I can see Gaia as being and and becoming as big and as extraordinary as I allow myself to be. If there are areas which need attention, or areas which are 'hidden' in myself, then these will be so in Gaia and in the world. It is up to me to do my own house-cleaning, and to expand this vision of 'house' to more than just myself; to be as open and vulnerable as I can be, to be willing to listen to the concerns of unmet parts of myself and of others in this world of ours.

I recently said on a thread Zet posted called: Damanhur - an example of enlightened action on the Gaia pod:

...we are living together - in fact I see / experience 'us' here in Gaia as living together in a very real way, not only creating real-time connections and closing the physical 'gap' via the internet.

I actually physically experience 'rooms' here on zaadz/gaia - some are noisy, some are quiet, some are exciting, some are inspiring. Although I have met quite a few members in 'real life' – and hope to continue to do so, there are many people here I feel so close to it is as if we have met.

I remember being slightly horrified when I heard about the 3D virtual world, Second Life, but I think there is something very powerful going on there, and in some ways I do experience my 'life' here on the internet and on zaadz/gaia in particular as being as absolutely real and three dimensional and as 'valuable' as my non-virtual life - and, more particularly being very much an integral part of my non-virtual life (just to note that since Gaia has a 'mission', it differs drastically from Second Life, and I'm personally not interested in playing a different 'role' via an avatar, this 'real' life is far too exciting already!).

If I am experiencing people and spaces that are 'virtual' as 'real', then something very interesting is happening, in my opinion.

I do not suggest that I or anyone else 'lives' virtually, but that because of our ability to connect and imagine in this way, the possibilities for change on Earth are huge, unimaginable even.

As Mark recently quoted from Mirra Alfassa ( The Mother ) on his blogs A New World is Born:

"A new world is BORN. It’s not the old world that is being transformed, it is a NEW world that is born. And we are right in the middle of this transitional period when the two are entangled: the old still persists, all-powerful, dominating the ordinary consciousness entirely, but the new is slipping in, still very modestly, unnoticed- so unnoticed that externally it does not disrupt much… for the time being, and that in the consciousness of most people it is even completely imperceptible. And yet it is working and growing."

and from Mark's blog New Knowledge Emerges, also a quote from The Mother:

"Every time a new element is introduced into the various possible combinations, what we might call a “tearing of limits” takes place. Modern scientific perception is clearly much closer to something that corresponds to the new reality than, say, the perceptions of the Stone Age were - without a shadow of doubt. But even that is suddenly going to find itself completely exceeded, surpassed, and probably upset by the intrusion of something that did not exist in the universe we have been studying. It is this change, this abrupt transformation of the universal element that will most certainly bring about a kind of chaos in perceptions, from which a new knowledge will suddenly emerge."

~The Mother

I mentioned singularity in my Paean to Zaadz blog. Singularity generally refers to a technological singularity (the futurist Ray Kurzweil being one of the more famous theorists in this field); but there is also something called the "Consciousness Singularity" .

This refers to .."a hypothetical point of time in the future when human consciousness, at both the personal and species level, experiences an abrupt transition, a phase transition of sorts, into a collective state of transcendence that is conceptually impossible for us to imagine "what it's like" with our current limited cognitive abilities."

For me this could be next leap -- perhaps a combination of technological and consciousness singularity. I believe we are in the process of the leap already. I see this 'consciousness singularity' as being something collaborative and deeply community orientated.

Mushin wrote on the fifth of his blogs Integral Community Building & Collaboration Ecology:

"Encouraging, facilitating and fostering pluralistic conversations and action for a flourishing planet and society in an environment of exponentially increasing social diversity and complexity on all scales, this is the larger purpose Community Development Professionals stand for. To fulfill this purpose we focus, beyond the traditional economic capital, on social, cultural and environmental capital and co-creating it in a new abundance become its stewards. Doing this we will surely craft and foster new types of organizations and communities that provide innovative solutions to environmental and societal challenges, organizations that also create large economic profits because the world-market is ready for them."

So. I am riding the wave here at Zaadz to Gaia: I do not know where it goes or what will happen, I can only say 'yes' to it and enjoy myself to the fullest as I ride, and to keep asking myself, how can I spread the wealth, the joy.....

Afraid of War?

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 16:13:38 -0000

I've often mentioned The Work of Byron Katie. Although many 'spiritual' teachers say 'nothing works' - in terms of techniques or methods to try and achieve awakening, I do believe there are some 'methods' which do, in fact, bring me to more awareness. Perhaps not full blown enlightenment (whatever that is) -- but to a deeper appreciation of and connection to this moment.

In terms of internal 'struggle' - thoughts and emotions of fear, anger, confusion, upset; and in terms of feeling involved or engaged in a situation ( a relationship, to something or someone) that is stuck or causing suffering, I do not know of a better or more simple approach than Byron Katie's. I 'did' the work ( a series of questions which you write down the answers) about 12 years ago and it radically shifted how I experienced 'reality' -- at that time my reality was feeling shitty in my relationship.

Although I have never gone to a workshop or really 'done' the work as fully as I did then, I feel as if the process is deep inside me, and whenever a situation arises which I feel myself being triggered by, the 'questions' and the 'turnarrounds' come easily, and my experience of 'what is' changes.

Yesterday I was meandering around the net and came across the following series of videos taken this year of Byron Katie in Israel. I found them absolutely gripping - I did not realise what an extraordinary speaker & communicator she is ( in the fullest widest sense of the word, i.e. listening) ; and also to see her actually do 'the work' in a such a context is very moving.

I know of so many teachers or meditative or healing 'methods' that sound good or seem to work in my nice comfortable life, but what about for people who live in war torn countries? Seems a bit iffy if I think about that.

But here Byron Katie is doing just that, and iffy it is not.

"People of the world don't look at themselves, and so they blame one another."
Mevlana Rumi

Dancing For Christmas

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 17:05:08 -0000

Last year I posted a Christmas blog with some of my favourite 'funny' videos. I was in need of some cheering up. They still make me laugh....

A few days ago I was roaming around the 'net and started looking for clips of some of my favourite dance pieces. I didn't find them all, but I did find some. Inspiring, beautiful, moving...

Le Sacre Du Printemps by Pina Bausch's Wuppertal Dance Theater - in my dancing days it was this piece that made me "believe" in modern dance again -- and want to become a choreographer. ( I didn't).

And another of my favourites from Pina Bausch.. a 'dance' to Gershwin's The Man I Love:

And to finish, not so much dance as music & theatre , the great Baaba Maal singing
Hamady Boiro live at the Royal Festival Hall in London. I have seen him sing and it was one of the most extraordinary shows I've ever been to. He is a deepy spiritual super star with a voice that recordings/videos cannot do justice to. Go see him :-)

Descendants of Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse break away from US

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 22:29:26 -0000

I haven't seen much of this in the mainstream news...

Descendants of Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse break away from US

Thursday 20 December 2007

WASHINGTON (AFP) — The Lakota Indians, who gave the world legendary warriors Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse, have withdrawn from treaties with the United States, leaders said Wednesday.

"We are no longer citizens of the United States of America and all those who live in the five-state area that encompasses our country are free to join us," long-time Indian rights activist Russell Means told a handful of reporters and a delegation from the Bolivian embassy, gathered in a church in a run-down neighborhood of Washington for a news conference.

A delegation of Lakota leaders delivered a message to the State Department on Monday, announcing they were unilaterally withdrawing from treaties they signed with the federal government of the United States, some of them more than 150 years old.

They also visited the Bolivian, Chilean, South African and Venezuelan embassies, and will continue on their diplomatic mission and take it overseas in the coming weeks and months, they told the news conference.

Lakota country includes parts of the states of Nebraska, South Dakota, North Dakota, Montana and Wyoming.

The new country would issue its own passports and driving licences, and living there would be tax-free -- provided residents renounce their US citizenship, Means said.

The treaties signed with the United States are merely "worthless words on worthless paper," the Lakota freedom activists say on their website.

The treaties have been "repeatedly violated in order to steal our culture, our land and our ability to maintain our way of life," the reborn freedom movement says.

Withdrawing from the treaties was entirely legal, Means said.

"This is according to the laws of the United States, specifically article six of the constitution," which states that treaties are the supreme law of the land, he said.

"It is also within the laws on treaties passed at the Vienna Convention and put into effect by the US and the rest of the international community in 1980. We are legally within our rights to be free and independent," said Means.

The Lakota relaunched their journey to freedom in 1974, when they drafted a declaration of continuing independence -- an overt play on the title of the United States' Declaration of Independence from England.

Thirty-three years have elapsed since then because "it takes critical mass to combat colonialism and we wanted to make sure that all our ducks were in a row," Means said.

One duck moved into place in September, when the United Nations adopted a non-binding declaration on the rights of indigenous peoples -- despite opposition from the United States, which said it clashed with its own laws.

"We have 33 treaties with the United States that they have not lived by. They continue to take our land, our water, our children," Phyllis Young, who helped organize the first international conference on indigenous rights in Geneva in 1977, told the news conference.

The US "annexation" of native American land has resulted in once proud tribes such as the Lakota becoming mere "facsimiles of white people," said Means.

Oppression at the hands of the US government has taken its toll on the Lakota, whose men have one of the shortest life expectancies -- less than 44 years -- in the world.

Lakota teen suicides are 150 percent above the norm for the United States; infant mortality is five times higher than the US average; and unemployment is rife, according to the Lakota freedom movement's website.

"Our people want to live, not just survive or crawl and be mascots," said Young.

"We are not trying to embarrass the United States. We are here to continue the struggle for our children and grandchildren," she said, predicting that the battle would not be won in her lifetime.

More information:

Lakota Freedom website

iiZaadz pod thread

United Press International article Lakota Indians work to secede from U.S.

Brenda Norrell's blog: censored and under-reported news

How did you learn to think for yourself?

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 16:47:42 -0000

I'd like to say learned to think for myself the day I discovered that my mother was not perfect.

It was not a happy day for me, I felt abandoned and betrayed. I was 12 and experiencing the joys of my first menstruation. I had not been warned about this event, I only knew of it as a strange hidden thing that had something to do with 'tampons'. It was certainly nothing to do with me, at least that is what I thought until it happened. I hid the bloodied sheets and washed them on a day my mother was out and I was sure the sun would dry them before she came home. The sheets were dark blue, and so the stain was somewhat hidden.

My mother was and is a revolutionary thinker, and yet such personal subjects were not and are not easy for her to discuss. I am sure my experience is not unique. From that time onwards I began to withdraw from my mother; I let my thoughts about life rumble around in my head without discussing them with her.

I used to think this experience had no positive outcome, but as I write this I wonder if perhaps it was a necessary step in my evolution. My mother, like the rest of my family, is highly opinionated and very well informed, frighteningly capable and vastly experienced in many areas of life. If I had not had this experience and chosen to deal with it the way I did, perhaps I might have felt cowed or silenced by her fine mind and experience. Instead I sought to discover life for myself, without her help or advice.

I stopped going to school around that time - with my mother's blessing (and some concern). I had been to too many schools already, and hated them all. We moved from Somerset to remote Donegal and the choices were boarding school, a small local Irish school or teach myself. I chose the latter.

I researched what O and A levels I thought most fun and interesting (and easy...), studied for them (the only teacher I had was for Ancient Greek); and sat the exams as an external student in Belfast.

I think on this - many people tell me how independent and unusual I was to be able to 'teach myself'. For me it felt totally normal. I suspect my 'thinking for myself' must have started much earlier than age 12. Again, I am sure I have my mother to thank. In spite of her being given to strong opinions, she also was able to provide an environment which encouraged self-activation.

So, for example, if I said I was interested in water colour painting, she would make sure I had the tools and space to find out if I was, in fact, interested in it. She did not teach me to paint, she gave me the brushes and the colours so I could teach myself. It was the same for any other art or subject.

What an amazing gift she has given me.

My Daemon

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 13:10:37 -0000

I found this circuitously - I was reading Jake's blog 'building an expressive community' - well worth a read. I saw ~C4 Chaos' comment which links to his Tumblelog. He'd posted his daemon there... 'Lysandra, a female spider—solitary, modest, flexible, softly spoken, and competitive. That is so me. Just add some venom.' (Being such a hyperlinker and a crossposter, [but not a cross-dresser, as far as I know..] C4 also has a Zaadz blog called What is your daemon?).

Of course I had to go and find out what mine was...

Skaene, a snow leopard - modest, solitary, responsible, inquisitive and shy.

I was asked if I was sure of this description of my Daemon, and if not to send it out to 12 friends for confirmation. Hah! Do you think I was going to risk losing my snow leopard? Never. So I 'set' him myself. I am working on the modesty issue ;-)

If you want to meet your daemon, visit The Golden Compass movie website.

Blessed Unrest

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 12:45:19 -0000

This is not a new video, I'm sure it's been posted here on zaadz, but I enjoyed seeing it again.

As Paul Hawken says so beautifully:

"How will we be? Who will we be? This is what it is we are buiding: the capacity to respond. It is about possibilities and solutions: humankind knows what to do."

The Epi Experience

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 16:41:24 -0000

If ever I feel a little disconnected from self, or disillusioned about humanity, I go and have a listen to some of my favourite musicians - the ones who seem to embody something 'more' than just talent, the ones who seem to shine from inside out and 'be' one with their art. Jake Shimabukuro, for example, - if you scroll to the bottom of my 11:11 blog you can watch and listen to this marvel of a young man, or the truly heart shining, t he Great IZ - Bruddah IZ' Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole; or Tom Waits' Chocolate Jesus... (maybe it's god in the gutter but it's still god).

Or, someone I have been waiting for a YouTube of so I can share him with you: EnkhJargal, or as many call him, "Epi".

I first heard Epi in a small church in Freiburg some years ago at a world music festival. Now, I'm a fan of Mongolian singing and overtones etc, but Epi is in another category. He's like Jake and IZ. Not only does he have the most extraordinary skill with his voice - he can do all the Mongolian overtone/undertone stuff, but he can also sing 'normally' and that, well that was what blew me away. A voice with such power and heart. He also played a number of instruments at this concert, and jammed with 'western' musicians with a degree of skill that left me speechless. And he's cute, and really humble. Just a sweet sweet man, and a true 'star'.

I know this not just because of my experience at the concert, but because I looked him up and emailed him. I wanted to learn from him and we were figuring out how to do that - he lives in Germany, and at the time I was also in Germany. He sent me the sweetest email inviting me to his apartment to stay with him and his wife and daughter, even though they only had two rooms. I felt like I'd been invited to share his Yurt.

We never did meet, but I still hope to, one day. The following is the only video I can find of him, and it doesn't fully do the Epi Experience justice, but it's something.

Oh and as for the cat at the top. I just discovered there is a Mongolian cat called a Manul, or Pallas's Cat. I want one! Here's another pic:

And, last, but not least, I have been tagged. I'm not sure I'll get to it, but if you really want to know weird things about me, I've listed tons in my blog response to the first Tag game here on zaadz.